So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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