I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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