4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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