i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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