i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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