I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
