sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
