i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
