My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
