well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
