the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
