lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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