textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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