drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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