you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
