Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
