I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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