Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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