Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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