So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
