I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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