My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
