I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
