and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
