She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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