I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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