all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
