From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
