Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
