i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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