So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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