when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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