I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My pussy is not your playground.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
