I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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