walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
