i just had sex bonerless
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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