yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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