dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
