My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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