I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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