If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
