five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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