Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
