Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
