so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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