you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
