so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
