Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
