I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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