The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
